Santa Calls for Help

Posted 15th Dec 2014

The phone rings and with words spoken so smoothly they pour liquid gold down the receiver, the answer “Northern Aurora Recruitment, how can I help?” is heard...

“This is Santa calling from the Christmas Corporation, we need extra elves until the 24th December. Do you supply interim elves?”

“We do Santa. How many are you looking for?”

“Twenty. We’ve had an unexpected upturn of good behavior in the third quarter and we’re struggling.”

“Do they need particular experience and what budget do you have in mind?”

“Okay, I mostly need elves with game design and development experience. Nothing too flashy, but elves with a background at Microsoft or Rockstar would be great. Payment, I only work in Bitcoin, so daily rate is one Bitcoin per elf, per day.”

“Is there anything else I should know?”

“All contracts have to be IR35 friendly; make sure they have limited companies. Last year’s elves were involved in Jersey-based tax-free loan scheme with Jimmy Carr and I’m still paying their liabilities.”

“How dreadful. Rest assured, all our elves are fully compliant.”

“What about umbrella companies? Your elves had better use reputable firms. I know George Osborne is waging war, and he’s going to put some great Elves out of business, but all I can do is put him on the naughty list, so keep him away from me.”

“We’ll do that Santa. One last thing, terms. Our normal rate is two Bitcoins per week, per elf.”

“Two per week?”

“Well, the rate for elves at this time of year pushes the cost to two and a half per week actually.”

“I might be able to stretch to two.”

“Plus, you’re looking for elves with industry experience in companies that pay a premium. This makes sourcing them that little bit harder.”

“Okay, two and a half.”

“Unfortunately, after you factor in our additional resourcing costs, we would be looking to charge five.”

“Okay, three.”

“Four and we have a deal”


“Thanks Santa, we’ll start contacting elves immediately.”

Everyone has to use a recruitment agency from time-to-time, even Santa, and at Christmas we must remember it is the season of goodwill to ALL men (that includes the dedicated people of the recruitment industry). Spare a thought at Christmas for a recruiter.

Photography courtesy and copyright of Steve Jurvetson

Recent blogs